Thursday, December 20, 2012

What To Say

To follow up on my post about what NOT to say when someone you know is experiencing a miscarriage - here is a list of some things you CAN say...or least some things that helped comfort me. I am sure everyone is different, etc.

1. I'm here. (if you want to talk, if you need anything, etc.)

2. How are you doing? How is your family?

3. I wish I could take away your pain / my heart breaks for you
I don't know why but this feels good to hear - maybe it is because that person is actually acknowledging the pain...not dismissing it - they are reaching out and letting you know you are hurting - when life goes so fast it feels as if you are sitting still in pain and grief while everyone else is announcing pregnancies and enjoying life- you are hurting...and that just acknowledgement helps. I guess...not good at this still. But trying.

4. Ps 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

5. Want to talk?
Be available. Reach Out. Listing your phone number in an email or message - encouraging to call if they need to talk. Offers of meeting for coffee to talk etc.

6. Peace be with you.
 This one of the worst thing - it lies dormant for a bit - then something happens, like the holidays, or someone announcing a pregnancy or an email subscription announcing how far along you would have been you forgot to cancel. And it comes back...and you are left without wishes for peace, that you will find it, obtain it, etc.

7. You are not alone. (We/I are going/have went through this too) These stories that came pouring out to me from my friends on Facebook through private messages each were like a healing salve on my heart and soul. I am not alone...this happens...can anyone.

Here is one word for word - that helped so much - you know who you are:
"I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. I have been there and know how hard it is to manage, especially because many people don't recognize what a difficult situation it is.
I am sending you the warmest wishes of comfort and self-care during this time, along with hope for what comes next - next week, next month, next year."
 8. I can't even imagine.

9. Praying for you. Thinking of you. My thoughts are with you.

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