Thursday, December 20, 2012

What To Say

To follow up on my post about what NOT to say when someone you know is experiencing a miscarriage - here is a list of some things you CAN say...or least some things that helped comfort me. I am sure everyone is different, etc.

1. I'm here. (if you want to talk, if you need anything, etc.)

2. How are you doing? How is your family?

3. I wish I could take away your pain / my heart breaks for you
I don't know why but this feels good to hear - maybe it is because that person is actually acknowledging the pain...not dismissing it - they are reaching out and letting you know you are hurting - when life goes so fast it feels as if you are sitting still in pain and grief while everyone else is announcing pregnancies and enjoying life- you are hurting...and that just acknowledgement helps. I guess...not good at this still. But trying.

4. Ps 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

5. Want to talk?
Be available. Reach Out. Listing your phone number in an email or message - encouraging to call if they need to talk. Offers of meeting for coffee to talk etc.

6. Peace be with you.
 This one of the worst thing - it lies dormant for a bit - then something happens, like the holidays, or someone announcing a pregnancy or an email subscription announcing how far along you would have been you forgot to cancel. And it comes back...and you are left without wishes for peace, that you will find it, obtain it, etc.

7. You are not alone. (We/I are going/have went through this too) These stories that came pouring out to me from my friends on Facebook through private messages each were like a healing salve on my heart and soul. I am not alone...this happens...can anyone.

Here is one word for word - that helped so much - you know who you are:
"I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. I have been there and know how hard it is to manage, especially because many people don't recognize what a difficult situation it is.
I am sending you the warmest wishes of comfort and self-care during this time, along with hope for what comes next - next week, next month, next year."
 8. I can't even imagine.

9. Praying for you. Thinking of you. My thoughts are with you.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I'm an Auntie!

Technically I have been an auntie through my hubby's side of the family - but now I am a true blood auntie! :) My little sister had her baby Thanskgiving Day - November 22! She was due Nov. 12 and that was pushed back about a month from her original due date! Poor thing was waiting and waiting and waiting!

Miss Delaney and I checking out her new cousin - Abigail Lynn!
Delaney was so cute meeting her new cousin for the first time - even got a little upset when she started crying - like she was worried that something was wrong. So sweet. :) (as you can see she is still wearing her tutu - we do wash it I promise)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Tree Is Up!

Little miss helped us hang ornaments this year...last year and the year before were more a spectator sport for her but now she is part of the hang and knew what to do! She catches on to things so fast! :)

Helping hang an ornament.

And of course playing in the tree box.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Sneaky Like That

Yes, I kinda snuck that news sort of in there in between regular ho-hum, normal, everyday posts. Because that is how it is it seems in real life. It happened. It's there. But life is moving forward at on we go with a few less thousand tears and a whole lot more pain and one more cutie to meet when we get to heaven.

We were not exactly planning baby #2 like we had been with Laney when I was mapping out ovulation dates and logging my basal temperature everyday but were not avoiding it either. We wanted it to happen - would joke and nudge each other with the idea of it. Another baby. And then it happened! The shock, the excitement and happiness - and scariness - yup even with #2 you have that "oh sh@#" moment of "what have we done??" thought. :)

Had plans on a Thanksgiving announcement to the world that our little one would be becomming a big sister. That would have been a little early still yet - 10-12 weeks. With Laney we didn't tell everyone until 16 weeks.

I was checking out pinterest and Etsy and crafting up a cute "Big Sister" shirt. :( The shirt is still there - in my sewing corner, along with the piles of fabric that would/will make up the letters once cut out - and then will be sewn on with cute button embellishments.

We started having some issues at 6-7 weeks. About 4 days before our first scheduled appointment at the OB. At first I thought it was nothing to worry about - but the doctor wanted to see me anyways. I still refused to believe it was bad news - even with all the "I'm sorry's" from the nurses and staff. I kept thinking there was a chance - maybe it was early yet - that was why there was no fetal pole - maybe if I take the progestrone tablets my levels will rise to where they should be and all will be fine. My first set of numbers were optimistic - I even heard a glimmer of hope in the nurses voice.

But the second test - which I took Saturday but didn't get back until Monday was the final close. The numbers were dropping, not from there it was a series of blood draws and calls with the results until my numbers were back down where they wanted them to be. Such a painful, tortueous thing to have to go in every two days and relive it all over again and again - seeing happy, pregnant ladies in the hall - I was supposed to be one of them - and get stuck with a needle and just...ugh.

We were advised by the doctor to wait till I have one normal cycle before we attempt to try again...

Mommy and Daddy miss you very much little one!

Friday, December 14, 2012

What Not To Say

There are just things you don't way to people going through certain things...and maybe they don't know not to say it etc. So may this serve as a PSA of sorts.

What Not to Say to Someone Who Has or Is Experiencing a Miscarriage

1. What happened?
This is the #1 thing already haunting the person - "what did I do or not do that would of caused this??" and of course the very first thing out of the doctors mouth is "do not torment yourself with what you did or did not do...nothing you did or did not do could have prevented this, etc - it just happens...a genetic or chromosomal defect maybe but nothing you did" - there is no way of knowing what happened. And much of the emotional damage is from that very question already haunting every thought - was it because I didn't slow down enough, rest enough, because I drank too much pineapple juice, or forgot to take my prenatal?....please do not ask that question. It is the worst. It hurts. Because we don't know what happened, the doctor doesn't know what just happened....just do not ask that. Please. I have already had at least three people ask me that...

2. It didn't hurt did it?
Because the baby was so small...(holds up hands to indicate how big baby would have been at 6-7 weeks) Not a nice visual for a person going through it thanks...and yes it does hurt - physically, emotionally, mentally....anguish.I shouldn't have to tell you that or anyone that - to relive or account for how I felt physically during one of the most heartbreaking times in my life. Yes this did happen to me...f.o.r r.e.a.l.

2. It was all meant to be./God's plan./Etc
While it is the truth and I am sure God does have a plan for me, and my little ones here and in heaven, but the timing of it all - just hurts - and you are already running so many things through your head subconsciously that it is near torment - and to think that the pain is a part of God's plan can make you a little resentful at first...because we will never know the extent of God's plan while we are here on earth...we will never know why.....and that hurts as there is no closure...seemingly no reason.

4. How far along were you?
I know people want to know the story - and I want people to know - but this question makes me feel as if it doesn't matter as much - like the story is less painful if it happened earlier rather than later. It just left a bad taste in my mouth and hurt my heart...I was 7 weeks. But that doesn't make it any less painful or stressful. I still lost a child. My soul still aches at the loss.

Price Match Pledges

I am partially writing this so that I, myself will remember, and partially to get the word out so more people know. :)

Jo-Ann Fabric and Bed, Bath and Beyond both "gladly accept competitor's coupons for products also available at those competitors. If you find a lower price at any of our competitors, we will meet that price." (exceptions may apply - of course)

Little side notes to save in the memory bank when out shopping this holiday season and beyond.

Thursday, December 13, 2012


Ok, seriously, when did it become fashionable to wear "bling" - hearts, butterflies, flowers, sequins on the sides of glasses for  grown adult women?? I can see tweens/teens/college age - but to wear to work...I dunno? And I don't mind it as much on my sunglasses - but everyday frames? Maybe I am just an old fogie when it comes to glasses...

Finally deciding that it is time to buy another pair of frames and lenses after having my current pair since high school - 10-11 years ago we are talking. They are in decent shape but have seen better times - times before a toddler/baby manhandled them to the point where they no longer stay on my face or stay level across my face. Le sigh.

I have had them adjusted and refitted once since Laney was born and they asked what I did to them - they were so twisted at the oddest points. I have a toddler - no other explanation necessary. :)

My doctor has always said during an eye exam that my prescription hadn't changed enough to warrant buying new lenses, etc. So I took his word for it - heck contacts are expensive enough and the way insurance works it is typically an either or decision - use up your allowance towards contacts for the year or towards frames. But this year we are in a unique situation where we already got contacts in the summer/spring and then my husband got a new job and the new benefits for 2012 haven't been used yet.

And after our trip to North Carolina where I experienced dizziness from trying to drive at night with my glasses instead of my contacts - and could not see the road signs when I needed to etc to navigate through unfamiliar territory it became clear - new lenses are needed.

It doesn't bother me at all to wear them during the day or even driving at night in my regular stomping grounds where I don't need to try to read road signs quickly and from far away etc. I know where I am going here - and my prescription isn't very different still.

I was just so shocked at the selection - granted I am shopping at Target Optical - not Ossip. But nearly 90% of the frames were blinged out and bedazzled in some way...I found a pair though no worries! :) Just haven't got them yet - the whole new insurance thing is a bit more complicated as I have found out - of course our new one considered Target Optical an Out of Network Provider - goodness. So some research and calls are necessary and possibly a reimbursement application if we get that far - I hope we do because I did finally find the perfect pair! Here's hoping!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


Wup Wup. I like to take pictures! :)  The numbers sometimes surprise me when I happen to look at them on my Facebook profile. 13,090 photos since I first started my page back in 2005.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Delaney's First Tutu

I will never forget how my little girl reacted when she opened and put on her tutu we got her for her second birthday in October. Precious. Absolutely precious. Melts my heart to look back and see the pictures and remember that moment.

She has been watching Angelina Ballerina on Netflix and loves to dance and spin and lifts her little leg while standing on one foot like a ballet move and moves her arms up like a ballerina dancer. Adorable. She loves frilly "pry" (pretty) tutu skirts and has a few now - but this was her very first tutu one piece and it has a ballerina on the front! :)

We have been on the hunt for a good pair warm of toddler ballerina slippers for Christmas but haven't had much luck - not impressed with what I have found on my usual go-to for that sort of item - But still looking! :)

Monday, December 10, 2012

High Waters

Laney is currently in between sizes on blue jeans and pants. (Blue jeans on a toddler is the cutest thing ever!!) She is 27 months now and has the leg length of 24 months pants but the waist of 18 month clothes. Oy vey. Some lines do have 18-24 which is perfect right now. And some 24 months work ok but others are crazy baggie.
Baggie butt example: 24 months pants...they will fit eventually! :)
So for now we are sporting the occasional too baggy 24 months jeans or high water 18 months...with a few good fitting 18-24 in between! What's a girl to do?? :)

The Children's Place is one of the lines I know that has 18-24 jeans..and right now they are on sale for $10! They are usually $15-$16 - such good quality too.We snagged a pair a week or two ago and might grab another before the sale is over.

We also try to snag jeans and things at our local goodwills or through craigslist or our local Facebook garage sale groups (Have you joined any of those yet in your area?? They are addicting!) You can get such good deals on those sites! We snagged a pair of size 6 toddler sneakers that looked like they were worn once for $2. T.W.O. D.O.L.L.A.R.S. But lately any 24 or 2T girl clothes listings have been pretty non-existent.

And Goodwill? (I love browsing there for frames to repaint, and my white locus bowls or blue mason jars which I can sometimes find for .49 each - I once paid $15 for 3 at an antique store - haha!). Just snagged 5 pairs this weekend of mostly 24 month (there was one 18-24 month) jeans for $1.99 each. Plus saved 10% with my Goodwill saver card for spending $20 on an order...a little over $8 for 5 pairs of toddler jeans...that were all in excellent shape and were good brands - carters, etc. Kids grow so fast - and I don't like how the cheap walmart/target jeans are sometimes so thin etc. I had been meaning to hit up our local consignment baby-kid-maternity shops for some deals on 24 month pants, pjs, etc since her lengthy leg growth spurt - especially since I was not having any luck finding them at our closest Goodwill - those consignment shops are great places too for deals - I remember getting Old Navy maternity jeans for $5 a pair back when I was pregnant with miss Laney-roo. :)

Sorry - money-saving rant over! :)